Day.....er....21?
I don't get it. I thought unemployment was gonna be all about cleaning the house and catching up on TiVo. Instead, I've been insanely busy with classes, GMAT studying, dog-sitting, cheesecake-making, etc. What gives?
Ok plan for today:
-Clear apartment of dog hair
-Consider meeting up with my dad at the Russian Chabad in West Hollywood
-Decide not to go because I remember what happened last time I went. These little old ladies kept glaring at me. It's like they were bored of each other, so they were waiting for me to do something wrong so that they could join forces and lecture me. It was ugly. Anyway, my phone vibrated. I reached into my bag to turn it off. One of the old ladies took her opportunity to pounce.
"What are you doing!" She hissed.
"I'm turning off my phone," I replied.
"You're not supposed to be using electronics in here!"
"That's why I'm turning OFF my phone," I reasoned.
Then her little friend started, "You're not supposed to use electronics on a Saturday!"
"YES. I UNDERSTAND. THAT'S WHY I'M TURNING OFF MY PHONE."
Oh, but ten minutes later, I had to check the time. Since I don't wear a watch, and I assumed that Stadler and Waldorff dutifully removed their watch batteries before entering shul, I had to forsake God by turning on my phone. A fury of clucking and cackling ensued and I got up and left.
Here's the thing. If you're a crusty old Russian Chabad-goer, you should really welcome young people. Because you're gonna die. The rest of your cronies are gonna die. And then the Chabad is gonna die. So next time, instead of getting your God-fearing knickers in a twist over something trivial, how about just letting it go? I'm sure you'll get bigger brownie points for growing your congregation and doing something nice for your community.
Ahem. Anyway.
-Then I'm gonna go buy food
-Then gym
-Then....aw fuck it. I'm just gonna sit on the couch and catch up on TiVo.
posted by Myasorubka @ 8:55 AM
6 Comments:
Not if I can help it you're not!!!!!!Blaxican comfort food here we come!!!!!!!!WOohoo!
Don't get me started! You young people today don't even know the meaning of religion. You're all wrapped up in your iPods and hybrid cars and roofies and... oy. I'm getting shpilkes just thinking about it. Did Moses send Aaron a text message with a winky-smiley before he parted the Red Sea? Just give me some of that challah and off with you.
Maybe had Moses actually sent a text message with a winky-smiley, God would have let him enter the Holy Land instead of just seeing it! Manners are everything!
But Cingular charges 10 cents per outgoing text message, and Moses' mom would have killed him. I know she put him in the little raft on the river and everything, but she would have tracked him down once that wireless bill came. Because they sent cell phone bills on stone tablets back then, so that extra page on the bill weighed like 20 pounds.
But the text message may very well have been work-related, thus even if had invoiced and been refused a reimbursement from God, Moses could've used it as a tax write off.
Plus, I think he's still collecting royalties from that whole "Moses... supposes.. his toeses are roses" thing. Yeah, he's not hurting financially.
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